Published on October 11, 2016
(c) Aleutie www.fotosearch.com – k19299662
I recently read a very good post on the professional social network, LinkedIn, by Mareo McCracken, This is Why You Are Sabotaging Relationships (+8 Actionable Ideas to Build Incredible Ones). It was on the subject of sabotaging relationships when it comes to success (or failure) in business. It stood out for me because of two words: SABOTAGING and RELATIONSHIPS.
I talk to clients daily about sabotage and their relationships . . . because those are two components of why people gain weight, why they chose not to do anything about it and/or how they battle with it. I talk to them about the need to recognize those in their lives (so-called friends, spouses, co-workers, etc.) who intentionally try to sabotage their (and sometimes medically necessary) weight-loss efforts at every turn. I also talk to them about the need to own up to their own habits of self-sabotage which prevent them from achieving the very thing they want most: to lose weight and be healthy.
When it comes to the relationships part of our discussions, I focus on the most important relationship of all: the one they have with themselves! Those trying to overcome/conquer an addiction or break a bad habit or just get out of a bad, unhealthy situation (i.e., a human relationship, an unsatisfying job), have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I talk to my clients about the need to understand that the relationship with themselves takes precedence over all else: Until they realize they ARE worthy of being happy; deserving of being slim and healthy; until they stop accepting the bad, negative self-talk — (“I’m fat,” “I’m so overweight I’m ugly,” “I’ll never be in a good relationship because I’m obese” and the list goes on) — which, by the way, they would NEVER accept hearing from anyone else —they’ll never be strong enough to slay the devil and then only have the sweet, positive whisperings of the angel to listen to!
In Mr. McCracken’s blog, he offers 6 reasons why a business person will have problems with a client or prospect relationship, and I am going to use those same 6 points as they apply to weight loss. He wrote, “When you have problems in a relationship it is probably because you . . .”
Talked too much.
Didn’t listen (because you were talking, or wanting to talk).
Thought your needs were more important than the other person’s needs.
Forgot the purpose of the relationship.
Stopped nurturing the relationship.
Made yourself the “hero” instead of them.
When you talk too much and don’t listen; when you think your needs are more important than others who care about you; when you forget the purpose of the relationship with yourself and stop nurturing the relationship you have with yourself; and when you make yourself the hero by focusing only on what you want in the moment over what could be achieved long-term . . . you sabotage a healthy relationship with yourself.
You get the relationships you think you deserve. When you’re in a bad relationship — especially the one you have with yourself — you need to change the way you think about yourself. The way you think about yourself and the way you talk to yourself creates your experiences: Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of everything.