Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

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“Reality denied comes back to haunt.” ~ Philip K. Dick

One of the more uncomfortable (for them, not for me) encounters with a client is when they lie — and I always know it. Two of the more common lies:

Lie #1

A client will have significant weight gain. They will show me a perfect food diary—so meticulously planned, a work of art in both content and penmanship. They’ll step off the scale and say, “Impossible. I was perfect;” or “How can that be? My home scale showed a 2-pound loss.”

In asking lots of questions to get details, they often contradict themselves which forces the client into admitting dishonesty. We then, together, start adding to their “perfect diary” the things they didn’t write—the things they actually ate vs. what they intended: the times they ate out or ordered in, the times they didn’t use any portion control, the “handful” of nuts, the “few” chips, the “finished my daughter’s mac ‘n cheese” . . . and you get the idea.

Lie #2

A client will consistently cancel a Monday appointment: “I have to work late;” “I have to go into work earlier;” “My kid’s home sick from school;” “I’m not feeling well;” “I have a repairman coming this morning;” “I have to bring my car in;” “I forgot I have a dentist appointment.” It’s endless.

For the client, each of these lies is a one-off: they spew it and forget it. In my business, however, we keep meticulous notes of client sessions as well as cancellations and reasons given. So, after numerous of these occasions, first I show them the irrefutable pattern, and then I tell them what the truth is: They had bad weekends and wanted a few more days to try and lose the weight they know they gained.

An article about lying clients wouldn’t be complete without addressing the most common reaction from those who just dig-in to their lies: “I paid you all this money; why would I lie to you?”

You lie to me because telling the truth feels like giving up control.

You lie to me because you don’t want to disappoint me.

You lie to me because you’re ashamed that you’re failing at the attempt. 

You lie to me because it’s easier to blame me than accept responsibility.

You lie to me to avoid accountability.

You lie to me to avoid making difficult changes.

You lie to me to feel better about your behavior.

You lie to me because ‘it’ isn’t a lie to you; you believe it. 

You lie to me because you want it to be true.

You lie to me to keep from acknowledging the truth about yourself.

You lie to me because you carry a burden of guilt.

You lie to me because you’ve been doing it for so long when it comes to your weight loss attempts that it’s second nature to you . . . a learned behavior . . . it’s rote response . . . and no one has called you out on it until today.

“If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule: Never lie to yourself.” ~ Paul Coehlo

There are, of course, many reasons why people lie. In my interactions with clients, I believe most often it’s because the person wants the lie to be true so badly that their desire for it to be true, and their need for it to be true, overwhelms their instinct to admit the truth.

To lie to yourself is always counter-productive — like deliberately shooting yourself in the foot or taking a fork and plunging it into your own eyes. I guess that’s why it’s easier for clients to lie to me: it’s less painful to them.