“I was at Walmart today buying a large bag of Purina dog food. While waiting in the checkout line a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what do you think lady? No, I have a pet elephant at home.’ Since I had nothing better to do than entertain myself, I told her I didn’t have a dog, but that I was again starting the Purina Diet. 
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“I then quickly added that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital the last time I did this diet, that I lost 27 lbs. but woke up in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of my nose and mouth and an IV in my arm.
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“Everyone in line was enthralled in my story by this point. I told the woman it was essentially a perfect diet, the way it works was so simple: just load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and eat one or two whenever you’re hungry. The food is nutritionally balanced, and it worked so well that I thought I’d try it again.
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“Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food poisoned me. I told her ‘No, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant, and a car hit me.’
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“I thought the guy behind her in line was going to blow a gasket, he was laughing so hard.”
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